The Great Sex Rescue: The Lies You've Been Taught and How to Recover What God Intended
- Downloads：8644
- Type：Epub+TxT+PDF+Mobi
- Create Date：2021-05-28 14:31:12
- Update Date：2025-09-06
- Status：finish
- Author：Sheila Wray Gregoire
- ISBN：B094L3X31L
- Environment：PC/Android/iPhone/iPad/Kindle
Reviews
Heather
，
I’m in my mid-30s and was a teen at the height of purity-culture ring ceremonies。 I’ve been married for 10 years and， fortunately， my husband and I have shed most of the harmful teachings from our evangelical upbringing regarding sex and marriage。 Most of this was done through non-christian resources and therapy sessions。 Despite our growth， this book is still a game-changer。 Not only did it reinforce and remind us of the ways we’ve become healthier， it gave me hope that Christian resources can I’m in my mid-30s and was a teen at the height of purity-culture ring ceremonies。 I’ve been married for 10 years and， fortunately， my husband and I have shed most of the harmful teachings from our evangelical upbringing regarding sex and marriage。 Most of this was done through non-christian resources and therapy sessions。 Despite our growth， this book is still a game-changer。 Not only did it reinforce and remind us of the ways we’ve become healthier， it gave me hope that Christian resources can be better！ I can’t wait to make all my Christian friends read this book。 （And as a youth pastor， I finally have a Christian resource to back up my sex talks！） 。。。more
Courtney
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Incredible。 Especially for those like me who were raised in evangelical "purity culture"。 Incredible。 Especially for those like me who were raised in evangelical "purity culture"。 。。。more
Lisa Hoffman
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As someone who was a teen at the height of the purity culture craze， I've heard my fair share of bad takes on sex and sexuality。 As a Christian woman， I've heard even more， causing me to wonder about a lot of marriages。 This book addresses them all and then some。I wish I had this book during pre-marital counseling， and if anyone ever asks for a recommendation， it will be this one。 As the writers sadly joke， the solution to most of the problems is to "treat women like they're people too"。 Christi As someone who was a teen at the height of the purity culture craze， I've heard my fair share of bad takes on sex and sexuality。 As a Christian woman， I've heard even more， causing me to wonder about a lot of marriages。 This book addresses them all and then some。I wish I had this book during pre-marital counseling， and if anyone ever asks for a recommendation， it will be this one。 As the writers sadly joke， the solution to most of the problems is to "treat women like they're people too"。 Christianity refuses to treat women as people in many ways， and sex and marriage is one of the biggest perpetuators。Thank goodness some women decided to write a book that reminds people that God's plan for sex is good for women too。Thanks to NetGalley and the publisher for a free digital copy for review， all opinions are my own。 。。。more
Grace Markey
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Fantastic book。 Highly recommend for all Christian marriages。 A must read for a healthy sexual relationship in marriage。
Ruthie
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It is so encouraging to hear truths spoken so boldly！ Thank you to all three of you ladies for being the women God has called you to be。 We must have the humility and courage to ask God to destroy every lie that we have believed。 Ultimately every lie affects the way we see Him and receive His love。 Especially lies about how we should be treated and regarding our value as women！！！ I am moved to tears as I relate， perhaps more than I would like to， to the stories of so many women in your book。 We It is so encouraging to hear truths spoken so boldly！ Thank you to all three of you ladies for being the women God has called you to be。 We must have the humility and courage to ask God to destroy every lie that we have believed。 Ultimately every lie affects the way we see Him and receive His love。 Especially lies about how we should be treated and regarding our value as women！！！ I am moved to tears as I relate， perhaps more than I would like to， to the stories of so many women in your book。 We are not alone！ We are not worthless！ We are loved！！ Ps- I recommended your book to my library and they purchased it！ 。。。more
Teresa
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I don't enjoy writing book reviews and other people write them much better than I anyway， so scroll down to read them。I just want to say， so that my friends get the message， this is a must read。 Period。 I don't enjoy writing book reviews and other people write them much better than I anyway， so scroll down to read them。I just want to say， so that my friends get the message， this is a must read。 Period。 。。。more
Jesica Rokohl
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This book is cultivating a whole new Christian dialogue about sex within marriage。 It's making okay （and good）， things that have long been uncomfortable and taboo。 It's giving solid biblical foundation for what sex is defined as and what it is NOT。 I was able to appreciate these guidelines being laid out with biblical text backing them up。 While there are certain areas that Sheila and I disagree （egalitarian vs。 complementation）， this is one area where it is clearly defined on both sides， what m This book is cultivating a whole new Christian dialogue about sex within marriage。 It's making okay （and good）， things that have long been uncomfortable and taboo。 It's giving solid biblical foundation for what sex is defined as and what it is NOT。 I was able to appreciate these guidelines being laid out with biblical text backing them up。 While there are certain areas that Sheila and I disagree （egalitarian vs。 complementation）， this is one area where it is clearly defined on both sides， what marriage bed should look like。 TGSR wades through many of the ways in which sex becomes skewed， including trauma， pornography， rape， medical sufferings， and redefines what sex should look like in contrast to those things， and how those things can be redeemed and reconciled。 It relies heavily on defining consent and providing fulfillment for both partners。 Changing how sex is defined/treated starts with the mature， biblically based conversations that are had and this is a great， unique tool to help jumpstart these conversations！ 。。。more
Emily Berlin
，
Wow。 Just go read this book。 I grew up Christian， definitely with influences from purity culture。 My husband is amazing， and we practiced much of what is upheld as healthy （and enjoyable！！） In this book， but it was really helpful to hear the toxic teachings I'd previously heard debunked in the light of the gospel。 This book is soundly biblical and super sex positive！ It elevates BOTH women and men。 Evangelical christianity has done a grave disservice to both genders。 This is the message I want m Wow。 Just go read this book。 I grew up Christian， definitely with influences from purity culture。 My husband is amazing， and we practiced much of what is upheld as healthy （and enjoyable！！） In this book， but it was really helpful to hear the toxic teachings I'd previously heard debunked in the light of the gospel。 This book is soundly biblical and super sex positive！ It elevates BOTH women and men。 Evangelical christianity has done a grave disservice to both genders。 This is the message I want my 3 boys to grow up knowing in their hearts。 Truly beautiful。 Highly recommend。 。。。more
Kaity Meade
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This book is for anyone who has heard and questioned a lot of the popular Christian marriage and sex teaching。 Sheila gets back to the basics of God’s design for sex as a mutual knowing of one another。 Both spouses loved and respected， serving each other。 Surprisingly， you’ll find that this is a somewhat novel concept among Christian teaching， as Sheila quotes from many popular books throughout her book。 She points out that concepts such as “only men have sexual needs and if a wife does not meet This book is for anyone who has heard and questioned a lot of the popular Christian marriage and sex teaching。 Sheila gets back to the basics of God’s design for sex as a mutual knowing of one another。 Both spouses loved and respected， serving each other。 Surprisingly， you’ll find that this is a somewhat novel concept among Christian teaching， as Sheila quotes from many popular books throughout her book。 She points out that concepts such as “only men have sexual needs and if a wife does not meet her husband’s needs then he will have an affair or look at porn” are common and frankly， harmful。 I don’t agree with everything she says in the book。 Her example of a husband now “free” to go to a nude beach because now he doesn’t see women as objects， is just a good thing taken way too far。 It’s a great book to work through and talk through with your spouse， even if you don’t agree with everything she says。 It’s always worth it to unpack things you may subconsciously believe that are actually not Biblical or Christlike。 。。。more
Kara Larson
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A great resource for those raised in the evangelical "purity culture" era using the results of a survey of 20，000 women and founded on Biblical principles。 While I think this is a necessary book to combat the harmful sexual and submission messages written in extremely popular Christian resources， I would love to see a companion book written for those of us seeking to train the next generation prior to marriage。 I think the final chapters of this book accomplish this somewhat， but a book dealing A great resource for those raised in the evangelical "purity culture" era using the results of a survey of 20，000 women and founded on Biblical principles。 While I think this is a necessary book to combat the harmful sexual and submission messages written in extremely popular Christian resources， I would love to see a companion book written for those of us seeking to train the next generation prior to marriage。 I think the final chapters of this book accomplish this somewhat， but a book dealing solely with how the Bible frames our sexuality without calling out and addressing the wrong messages out there now would be valuable。 Some ideas/quotes I want to remember:Sex is supposed to be "personal， pleasurable， pure， prioritized， pressure-free， and passionate。"Regarding shame in a marriage surrounding sex， "too often our theology of sex in marriage starts and ends in the garden of Eden--and we do not live in the garden anymore。""Sex， as part of a cross-centered marriage， isn't conceited， self-seeking， or rude。 Sex is freely given， mutually pleasurable， and deeply personal。 Jesus is our great rescuer， and if you want to reclaim great sex for your marriage， it all starts with acting in a Christlike way toward your spouse。 And that boils down to kindness。""Perhaps that's the fundamental issue。 Sex has been taught primarily through a male lens， mostly by male authors and by male speakers at marriage conferences。 Women's experiences have been largely overlooked or ignored， while women are seen as tools to help men get what they want。 That's not Christian。 that's not of Jesus。" 。。。more
Cassiejoan
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Admittedly， I was a bit hesitant to read a book about improving my sex life b/c， well， that's just fine， thankyouverymuch。 However， a friend recommended it and so I dove in。 Don't be deceived as I was。 It is a lot less about what is happening in the bedroom than the teachings surrounding sex in the church。 I was surprised to find that I had been taken in and internalized some of these teachings， even though my marriage is a happy one。 So， for that， I highly recommend it。 I do wish the authors ha Admittedly， I was a bit hesitant to read a book about improving my sex life b/c， well， that's just fine， thankyouverymuch。 However， a friend recommended it and so I dove in。 Don't be deceived as I was。 It is a lot less about what is happening in the bedroom than the teachings surrounding sex in the church。 I was surprised to find that I had been taken in and internalized some of these teachings， even though my marriage is a happy one。 So， for that， I highly recommend it。 I do wish the authors had gone deeper into Scripture to prove their points， but I guess that leaves me to study on my own （which isn't necessarily a bad thing） but I do think Scripture should be our foundation， even more so than research findings。 This book will certainly affect the way I talk to my kids about dating， sex， and marriage。 。。。more
Emily Petersen
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Life altering。 Thank you so much Shelia。 ♥️
Erica Pye
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I found this book to be very validating to my experiences。 It was nice to be able to have it be so well articulated by someone。 I appreciate how the authors took a critical look at what many other Christian books on marriage and sex are saying， and spelled out how certain messages could actually be harmful to women， and not even really what the Bible intended。 I wish this book had been written years ago before I had gotten married， I wish it had been around when I started dating。 I think it offe I found this book to be very validating to my experiences。 It was nice to be able to have it be so well articulated by someone。 I appreciate how the authors took a critical look at what many other Christian books on marriage and sex are saying， and spelled out how certain messages could actually be harmful to women， and not even really what the Bible intended。 I wish this book had been written years ago before I had gotten married， I wish it had been around when I started dating。 I think it offers one of the healthiest perspectives on Christian marriage and sex I've read in a long time。 。。。more
Natasha Hershey
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Very well written， research based， and informative！
Cat Caird
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Probably one of the best books I've read on sex and marriage， it points out all the awful and unhelpful messages in most evangelical books/teachings about sex and instead provides helpful teaching that actually sees women as people rather than objects。 A must read for those who are married and those who are leaders in the church。 Probably one of the best books I've read on sex and marriage， it points out all the awful and unhelpful messages in most evangelical books/teachings about sex and instead provides helpful teaching that actually sees women as people rather than objects。 A must read for those who are married and those who are leaders in the church。 。。。more
Bo Cogbill
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The Same Kind of Book They Warn You About - or someone should be warning you aboutI wanted so badly to give this book 1 star， but the parts that have discussion questions and things to try together could be helpful to some couples who aren't used to communicating about sex， so two stars through gritted teeth。 At the end， they write to ministry leaders:"The good news is that many， many ministry leaders are doing marriage and sex teaching well。 The majority of women who reported hearing the harmfu The Same Kind of Book They Warn You About - or someone should be warning you aboutI wanted so badly to give this book 1 star， but the parts that have discussion questions and things to try together could be helpful to some couples who aren't used to communicating about sex， so two stars through gritted teeth。 At the end， they write to ministry leaders:"The good news is that many， many ministry leaders are doing marriage and sex teaching well。 The majority of women who reported hearing the harmful messages about sex we’ve highlighted in this book did not hear them at church。 Thank you， leaders！ But there’s still some bad news: they were getting the messages from evangelical resources and books。 To those of you in leadership， then: sometimes you can be doing everything right， working hard to build healthy relationships and marriages in your church—but the resources your parishioners are accessing are undermining your work right under your nose。"This is one of those resources。 TGSR is full of straw men， anecdotal evidence， contradictory statements， and the typical brutally conducted survey that's supposed to convince people those numbers say what they say they say。 Every chapter， the authors make a bold statement that's supposedly in the Bible （though anyone who knows the Bible would know it doesn't say， give a worst case scenario to show how bad the statement is （which should have all been reported to the church）， quote a Christian book （that a pastor with any sense wouldn't recommend - something she says herself）， give some numbers that would obviously be supported by the terribly worded questions （something good statisticians would have picked up on）， borderline rejects what the Bible actually says （even though the first time she referenced it it wasn't what the Bible actually says）， and then gives everyone a "no duh" explanation that anyone with any sense would have agreed to in the beginning （often quoting the same books she ridicules elsewhere）。 If you get this book and can't get your money back， just skip the reading of it and go straight to the discussion questions。 If you haven't gotten it， do your pastors a favor and don't。 We'll be there to help you pick up the pieces in five or ten years just like we are now because y'all read the other books five or ten years ago we told you not to。 。。。more
Sarah Monzon
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An expose on how harmful the evangelical “purity culture” is。 They surveyed 20k women in their research。 A much needed voice in the discussion of sex among church goers。 Let’s stop the harm！
Kelly
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I loved this book！ It was a great read。 I haven’t read a self help book this good in a really long time。 I would say I are with 90 percent of what is said in this book。 That’s pretty impressive for a self help book。 There was lots of good information about pornography and how it effects marriage。 There was also a lot of great information about how to unify a couple。 It is a great conversation stater。 I highly recommend。
Annie
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Highly recommended to people raised in the church and who read all the same books we did before we got married。 This doesn't just expose the abuse that has emerged from those terrible teachings， but it also deals with the nice guys that many of us married that are *shocked* at the garbage women were told about sex and marriage。 As with the last book I read， the overriding message is BE FREE。 Tends more to the conservative side of things， but overall well done and encouraging。 Highly recommended to people raised in the church and who read all the same books we did before we got married。 This doesn't just expose the abuse that has emerged from those terrible teachings， but it also deals with the nice guys that many of us married that are *shocked* at the garbage women were told about sex and marriage。 As with the last book I read， the overriding message is BE FREE。 Tends more to the conservative side of things， but overall well done and encouraging。 。。。more
Leonicka
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I didn’t grow up in evangelical purity culture （just REGULAR patriarchy and misogyny 😌） but yikes yikes yikes am I glad this book exists to tackle it head on。I would recommend it to: Christians about to enter marriage， Christians who are having sex issue in their marriage and Christian youth leaders who need to seriously rethink how they teach this stuff。My issues:I didn’t get as much out of it though because I am an adult single Christian and this book doesn’t discuss single people at all。 I wa I didn’t grow up in evangelical purity culture （just REGULAR patriarchy and misogyny 😌） but yikes yikes yikes am I glad this book exists to tackle it head on。I would recommend it to: Christians about to enter marriage， Christians who are having sex issue in their marriage and Christian youth leaders who need to seriously rethink how they teach this stuff。My issues:I didn’t get as much out of it though because I am an adult single Christian and this book doesn’t discuss single people at all。 I was truly surprised that understand oneself and one’s needs/boundaries as a sexual individual wasn’t presented as a logical counter to the cluelessness。 So I guess I’m still looking for a Christian sex-positive book for singles。Other issues:-didn’t explore possibility of ace ppl; being disinterested in sex is pathologized -didn’t mention queer people at all though that didn’t surprise me-porn put in same convo as adultery and not being interested in sex-fatphobia and “too fat to have good sex” language。 “pursuing a healthy lifestyle is a way to be kind to your spouse” -good healthy sex is portrayed as “sacrificial love” husband seeks to please wife; wife seeks to please husband。 Subtext seems to be that there shall be no pleasing of self？ From the Holding Your No Responsibly section: “While we have the freedom to say no， we hold in tension that we are the only proper sexual outlet our spouse has” 😬😬😬 。。。more
Jeff Bobin
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Worthless - this is simply an attack on every legitimate source out there。 The most telling line at the end was that she had been recommending books without reading them。 Now she is quoting them out of context and providing no real practical advice unless you are willing to look for the couple one sentence nuggets。 I have ready almost every book she slams in this book and take a completely different view of their impact。 Taking brief quotes out of context is not good writing or thinking。 The num Worthless - this is simply an attack on every legitimate source out there。 The most telling line at the end was that she had been recommending books without reading them。 Now she is quoting them out of context and providing no real practical advice unless you are willing to look for the couple one sentence nuggets。 I have ready almost every book she slams in this book and take a completely different view of their impact。 Taking brief quotes out of context is not good writing or thinking。 The number of unhappy women she surveyed and the results appear to simply be a poorly designed research instrument。I rarely give one star， but this one would have gotten negative stars if available。 My copy is going in the trash where it belongs。 。。。more
Thomas Creedy
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In my view it is an extraordinarily important book。 But not quite five stars。 Perhaps it would be if I lived in the states！ I think pastors and parents should read this book as a matter of urgency - and the core message that women are people to be loved not objects to be used SHOULD NOT be contentious。 Fascinating but sobering read。
Ashley
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This book shines the light of truth on the areas of sex in marriage。 They don’t pull any punches， but at the same time they are not mean。 They speak truth and share why without truth sex in Christian marriages are crumbling。 It doesn’t have to be this way and we as Christians can and need to do better。 Love this book！
Stephanie Wentzel
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This was a heartbreaking read。 But a must read for those in the conservative evangelical world。 Not a book I would hand to an unmarried person， but so many amazing principles that need to be rediscovered and corrected。 All boils down to， love your neighbor as yourself。 Apparently， that applies to your closest neighbor， your spouse。 So much good here。
Joelle
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An Overall Good Debunking About Harmful SexTW: sexual assault/marital rape mentionedThere were some phenomenal things about this book:1）。 They ALWAYS advocate for LICENSED PROFESSIONALS。 Since so much of this book is about debunking harmful Christian teaching， it was refreshing that they automatically assumed a professional is best。 And while an emotionally healthy couple， with a sexually fulfilled marriage may once seek counsel from an elder or pastor， the reality is they still need to filter t An Overall Good Debunking About Harmful SexTW: sexual assault/marital rape mentionedThere were some phenomenal things about this book:1）。 They ALWAYS advocate for LICENSED PROFESSIONALS。 Since so much of this book is about debunking harmful Christian teaching， it was refreshing that they automatically assumed a professional is best。 And while an emotionally healthy couple， with a sexually fulfilled marriage may once seek counsel from an elder or pastor， the reality is they still need to filter that counsel through the words of Christ。 Objective， neutral help， especially from medical sources， is preferred。 2）。 They acknowledge the right to say "no。" They also spend significant time detailing marital rape， and why it is abuse。 They do not ever suggest it is the wife's fault。 They also acknowledge the effect trauma can have in your sex life， and make husbands culpable if they increase that trauma。 3）。 They list resources to help。 4）。 They don't attack any individual author， but simply debunk the myths being promoted。 Authors are mentioned only in the first reference to the book， and after that it's just the book。 5）。 There isn't a load of Scripture; each chapter has a verse underneath the heading， but it was refreshing to read a book about sex that didn't make us read Song of Solomon along with it。 6）。 They have a ZERO porn tolerance， and a ZERO "you didn't give me sex so I had an affair" tolerance。 Note: This is for BOTH spouses。 7）。 There is no focus on maintaining physical appearances。 Aspects of health that can affect a sex life are mentioned， but both spouses are called to keep themselves healthy。 And this is more related， in my opinion， to honoring God by taking care of our temples。 8）。 There is no "One size fits all sex life。" In the end， it is each and every individual couple ALONE that figures out what is happy and fulfilling - for them both。 And you don't have to ask， listen， respect or consider ANYONE ELSE'S advice/opinions when it comes to YOUR marriage bed。 Issues:1）。 Some pain during intercourse simply cannot be fixed; i。e。 endometriosis。 There are other conditions that no surgery， physiotherapy， or lube is going to cure。 And I think it's dangerous to assume that all can be fixed。 However， they note that the WIFE should be the one WANT to seek help， as part of having a fulfilling sex life for both of them。 And as always， if pain is from trauma， the husband should never guilt the wife into seeking help she is not ready for。 If the pain is for other reasons， a husband may lovingingly support her needs （including abstinence）， or gently recommending that it might not be normal for her to hurt so much。 This book stressed that most husbands were HORRIFIED to find out how much pain their wives endured。 Overall， I think this book is a good resource for both married and non - married women， though I wouldn't recommend it as a resource in trauma counseling。 You need to be in a healthy - AND SAFE - place while reading。 Ps。 You might also get a little tired of reading the word "sex"。 😂😂 。。。more
Heather
，
Finally a book that is Gospel centered and addresses women’s sex issues and confronts the unhealthy sex culture within evangelical communities。 Cannot recommend this more！
Shana
，
This is a revolutionary antidote to so many harmful teachings in popular/often prescribed Christian marriage books。 It helped me pinpoint many of the issues I had with those books while also helping me see some current blindspots in my own thinking。 Every conservative Christian couple married in the past 40ish years needs to read this！
Allison
，
This book set out to dismantle so many of the harmful messages and lies that the majority of massively best-selling Christian marriage books propagate。 They did a wonderful job。 I’m grateful to my multiple friends who recommended this book！
V
，
How a rather small book packed so much important information is incredibly impressive！ This team of authors identifies well-meant-but-bad teachings from other books/resources that overly focused on isolated scriptures in a legalistic， Pharisaical way， and instead presents the others-focused， sacrificial， and loving viewpoint Christ came to reveal and live out。 So thankful I read this book！Born from a survey of over 20，000 women and analyzed by someone trained in biostatistics， this book was life How a rather small book packed so much important information is incredibly impressive！ This team of authors identifies well-meant-but-bad teachings from other books/resources that overly focused on isolated scriptures in a legalistic， Pharisaical way， and instead presents the others-focused， sacrificial， and loving viewpoint Christ came to reveal and live out。 So thankful I read this book！Born from a survey of over 20，000 women and analyzed by someone trained in biostatistics， this book was life-giving。 Too many women for decades have had the message of， "have sex with your husband or else he will cheat on you" threatened to them。 This book helps her see that the onus for a husband staying faithful is on him which gives her freedom to not falter under the impossible pressure of "her" preventing "him" from sinning。 AT THE SAME TIME， this book encourages wives to enjoy sex while encouraging husbands to truly， biblically "know" their wives and make sex something they WANT to do， not HAVE to do out of fear。 （Hint- if a wife actually ENJOYS sex， she's going to want it more and will do so more enthusiastically。）The reframing sections （of harmful teachings from other books/resources that actually hurt marital relationships） at the end of each chapter encouraging one to look at sex， others， and oneself in a more Christ-focused way were very helpful， as well as the check-in questions for starting/directing great discussion between husband and wife。 I'm learning better how to make sure my kid grows up with a loving， healthy attitude about sex， too。 。。。more
Lisa Manske
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